The Space Between

Parents,

Walt Mueller is a cognoscente when it comes to youth culture. If teens are buying it, reading it, watching it or saying it, he knows about it and has done his research to discover the effects it’s having on their world. Like a spy behind enemy lines, Dr. Mueller has his ear to the ground and his body in harm’s way deep inside youth subculture. And he’s just come out with a new book that I picked up last week and have begun reading. It’s titled, The Space Between: A Parent’s Guide to Teenage Development. The premise is spelled out in the subtitle; no need to elaborate there. I highly recommend it to you for a few reasons:

1. It’s short and to the point. At a little over 100 pages it shouldn’t take long to finish.
2. Walt knows his stuff. He’s not just an academic. He has four kids, three of whom have graduated out of adolescence. The man has firsthand experience with parenting teens.
3. It doesn’t just present information and pose questions. Dr. Mueller gives practical parenting advice throughout the book.
4. It’s biblical. Dr. Mueller is a God-loving man who knows that what teens need the most is Jesus, not morality.

To get you started, here are some takeaways from the first two chapters.

When addressing any subject it’s always important to really understand what we’re dealing with. While we’ve come up with some nice labels for this stage of life, (teenager, adolescent) what exactly defines it? When does it start? WHEN DOES IT END?!

What is it?

Mueller gives a lot of definitions, my favorite of which is one by Earl Wilson who says adolescence is “an adult trying to happen.” It’s a transition, an in-between stage. Teens are making an exodus from childhood trying to enter the Promised Land and freedom of adulthood with you as their Moses. You’re the guide, the leader, the one in charge.

When does it start?

Most experts argue that it begins at the onset of puberty. One day a gland wakes up and starts releasing hormones and with it the start of a child’s journey towards adulthood. On average girls get a head start and begin at age 10 ½. Boys are a few years behind, beginning on average at age 12.

One thing to note is that within the last 100 years, the average age (especially for girls) for this has been decreasing. Many attribute this trend to the fact that are kids are eating more than ever before. Research has shown that there is a connection with the onset of puberty and weight, specifically to body mass index.

Mueller is quick to add that this decrease in age coupled with the reality that kids are dealing with cultural pressures at earlier ages can cause them to “grow up too fast.”

When does it end?

This is a tough question to answer because our culture has no clear cut definition or right-of-passage for adulthood. Graduation, marriage, or moving out of your mom’s house? No one really knows. David Walsh defines adolescence by saying “it begins at puberty and ends…sometime.”

What this means for you as parents is that this period of “storm and stress”¹ could last for 15 years. But, be encouraged! God has put this growing, complicated, unpredictable and fascinating creature under your roof and care so that both of you might be sanctified and grow in godliness. What a responsibility and privilege!

http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/blog/hvms/